WE’RE 130 DAYS INTO THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION. SO FAR IT’S BEEN SMOOTH SAILING, NOT A BUMP. [ LAUGHTER ] BUT OF COURSE ADULTS ARE BIASED AND PARTISAN AND ALL THOSE THINGS THAT MAKE IT DIFFICULT TO WORK TOGETHER. CHILDREN AREN’T. CHILDREN ARE HONEST. SO I ASKED KIDS, FUTURE VOTERS OF AMERICA, TO GIVE ME THEIR […]
Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!
The katun is established at Chichen Itza. The settlement of the Itza shall take place there. The quetzal shall come- …the green bird shall come. Ah Kantenal shall come. It is the word of God. The Itza shall come.
[ Cheers and applause ] -I can’t believe my State of the Union address is tonight. And it’s completely sold out. Billions and billions of people will be watching. Who should I call for my pre-speech pep talk? I know. [ Cellphone vibrating ] -Fake News. This is Kellyanne Conway. -Kellyanne, it’s Donald. -Fake news. […]
-Tell me about your costumes. David, who are you? -“Macho Man” Randy Savage. -Whoo! Yes! It’s a little — Everyone has a Macho Man sort of impersonation, just like they have a Kermit the Frog impersonation, but mine’s just not that great. -I think yours is fantastic. -Oh, why, thank you. -Fantastic. -Thank you. -What […]
-DJ Daniel, if you were in a horror movie, do you think you’d survive? -100% yes. -100%. That’s confident. Why so confident? -[ Scoffs ] ‘Cause I’d be doing the murdering. It’s always who you least expect. -I knew you was sketch. I knew you was sketch. Hey, guys, since I’m dressed as Hasan, I […]
-Let’s take a look at our first equation here. If you take Anderson Cooper plus sticking a fork in an electrical outlet, it equals Bernie Sanders. -What? -You see what I’m saying? So that’s — You understand? Yeah, here. If you take your sexy math teacher plus the enthusiasm of a summer intern, it equals […]
-I love watching you perform for unsuspecting people. I’m told you have a trick called which I think is very fitting — “Game of Phones.” And I need to know what it’s about. -I do have a trick called Game of Phones. Do you have a phone that I can use? Can I borrow your […]