History of China in 3½ Minutes

History of China in 3½  Minutes


The story of China starts with Peking Man
He lived in Beijing he was a real caveman Me caveman. Ug! Life just fine. Until I came along.
Cro-Magnon? Good bye. (Clubs Peking Man) My people evolved near the Yellow River
Where we made lotsa silk from the lowly caterpillar And started 3 dynasties, Hsia, Shang and Zhou
And then a cat came along his name was Lao Tzu
I taught a school of thought which I called “the Tao”
I wanna learn the Tao, can you please tell me how?
There’s nothing to learn. It’s the way of “no way”
Which way? Wu Wei!
No way! Yes way!
Next all of China learned to obey The proper ways of acting when “Confucious
Say.” Levels of authority, morality, sincerity
Are taught to the masses and passed to posterity The Tao, I Ching, and Confucious, la
Were bases of philosophy in old China. Say, did you fellows forget about me?
You come later on. Oops. Sorry.
With the Qin/Han dynasty peace came to all What about the huns?
Arg! Let’s build a great wall!
That kept out the huns, and things were real mellow
A silk road, paper money, and this old fellow Hey guys, I’m back.
It’s Buddha. That’s me!
I come from India with a new philosophy! The next dynasties were Tang and Song
Things were invented like porcelain Yay!
The printing press Yay!
And gunpowder too. Narrator: It came in with a bang.
Owch! And just in time too.
We rulers were compelled to build the great wall longer
Cause the Mongols from the North, they were getting stronger
Our leader was Kublai, grandson of Ghenghis We Mongols went to war
And the war went agin’ us. They took over China
Our Dynasty wasYuan And the Chinese people they shouted
KAHN!! Hey, what’s the problem? Marco Polo liked
us plenty I stayed seventeen years, wrote a book, stole
spaghetti We kicked out all that Mongolian beef
Ow! The Ming Dynasty was quite a relief
The best one of all, it was orderly too ’til some new rulers came
Manchu! Bless you!
Now we were kinda shy, we closed China’s door But we British kicked it open with the Opium
War. Say what? That’s drugs!
That’s right. Got a problem? We’re gonna kick you out with the Boxer Rebellion.
Fat chance. Bang Bang. Our weapons are strong. by the way, fuck you, we’re taking Hong Kong
The next 100 years got a little crazier China became known as the “weak man of Asia”
We had a world war, the dynasties did end we saw the last emperor, and the rise of Sun
Yat Sen To make a modern nation was my mission number
one But communism came
And me! I’m Mao Tse Tung. My little red book led China’s evolution
Collectives, 5 year plans and the Cultural Revolution
Bai hua qi fang, bai jia zheng ming (Revolutionary Opera break in Rap)
The people really like me. No we don’t.
Yes we do. Well, I guess you are divided so I must bid
adieu (Mao Tse Tung dies) The death of Mao Tse Tung meant a change in
China’s vision I’m Deng Xiaopeng, father of commu-capitalism
I modernized China, increased its industrial might.
And Tiannamen Square? Huh?
Human Rights! China got stronger, took back Hong Kong and
Macau Gimme.
Produced great athletes. Who’s that tall guy?
Yao. But for economy number three, an easy time
it ain’t We put taikonauts in space, but on toys we
put lead paint We own half America’s debt, our need for oil
is growing Where all this will lead, there’s just no
way of knowing Napoleon once called China a giant not awake
Let the giant stay asleep else the world’s a-gonna shake

100 thoughts on “History of China in 3½ Minutes

  1. I wish my history teacher would have been this entertaining when giving the history of China.

  2. Alrite.. this is… the DOPEST song ever!! The beat is catchy, the flows are good.. and i'm learning a lot too! Good video!

  3. hey, hey, you're missing some dynasties! There are Wei, Jin, North South dynasties and the Sui between Han and Tang, and there are also the Five Dynasties (though each of them very short) between Tang and Song. Your video is great, though!

  4. nice video:) (reminds me on Ted Mosby) Like the way you get a few things. It is even better if you know Chinas history already.
    super

  5. dude paper money were used in song, and you skipped sui dynasty
    PS Mao kicked out Chiang not sun because he died before that hapened

  6. Dont be fooled by the chinese.The chinese copycat culture existed many years ago.The copied Many things from India.Religion Buddah from India,Kuan Yin is actually an Indian Prince.Damo a southindian tought Chinese KUng FU (Sanda) sanda means in indian is Fight.How come chinese are using this term?He also tought many ayruvedia medicines to the chinese as many chinese suffered from many illness.eg.Swine flue,Birdflu,H1n1 and many others.

  7. Japan copied some chinese language and culture… italy stole chinese noodles and renamed it pasta. Your point is cultural diffusion?

  8. LOL Buddhism was never the primary philosophy of China or East Asia. Guanyin is a mythological figure, and believed to be female. "Sanda" is neither a style in itself nor a progenitor of any Chinese martial art, and far more recent to develop. Its etymology is wholly Chinese as any native speaker would know. And Bodhidharma's alleged visit to Shaolin was an apocryphal contrivance from the 17th Century written to justify the monks' preoccupation with martial art.

  9. China used to trade with us back before world war I II. they were good people back then. till they became communists and act arrogant towards neighbors, believe they are the superior beings and dont respect other races. so my great grand father left the mainland and migrated elsewhere in Asia. there we are half chinese with at least better moral values ( not perfect ).

  10. so cool!! at 1:26, is an image from the game "Emperor, The Rise of China"! I love that game!!!. fun video than k you!

  11. I totally agree. I was excited to show this to my students but even the bleeped version is too explicit. Using the word "screw" would have been better.

  12. Wow sorry about that! If we'd had known it was going to be shown in classes we would have cleaned it up a bit more!

  13. I’m a sucker for doggy footage on Youtube. I always laugh my ass off. But a great deal of pet owners are little by little KILLING their pet dogs!!! The garbage they insert in dog food generates malignant tumors and makes pet dogs pass away young. I learned the tough way when my pooch passed away aged 6.

    To save your pet’s life search online for Double Life Dog Diet (Use Google.)

  14. So good ! ~ hilarious and useful in the same time I'll use it in my presentation about China …. Thanks ^^

  15. I Love this video it helped me a lot while I was studying for the History of the Far East exam. When in the last seconds the narrator says "I didn't mention the rape of Nanjing at all during the…" just brilliant 🙂

  16. its as funny as entertaining as much as its informative really good work guyz making education this easy

  17. This is an awesome video that I would love to use in school- except you have ONE F-bomb!!!  Don't limit your talent by thinking you have to lower yourselves to swearing.  let me know if you re-release it without the F bomb!!

  18. 2:50 The video said, China got strong and took back Hong Kong. wait wait… I thought the British agreed to return Hong Kong back to china on July 1st, 1997.

  19. Really a bummer you guys swear in the rap. I was very excited to show this as a recap to my Global History class and then you had to drop the F-bomb. Very disappointing.

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